Falling to Pieces
by jaxg
Summary: A glimpse into the thoughts of someone who is mourning the loss of Sookie.  And no, she's not dead.


_So I've had this rolling around in my head. It was inspired by The Script's song "Break Even" that I heard on the radio one day after reading some of the Happily Never After contest entries (There are some really impressive ones by the way.) and I thought how fitting the song could be for HNA story. It's different and short but I had to get this out before I got back to my other stories._

**Falling to Pieces**

I feel myself pulled from the death of my daily rest. My consciousness returns. I open my eyes and find I am surrounded by the dark. I am surrounded by the dark now in more than just the literal sense. Each night I rise with the hope that it was just a dream. But vampires do not dream. It is real. She is still gone.

I find myself praying to a god that I don't believe in. I pray to her god that she will come back to me. He doesn't answer. Or maybe he does. Maybe his answer is no. After all of the dark and evil things I have done over my many years maybe he is telling me I do not deserve her love or her light.

I have much time to contemplate this since she left me. Time is all that I have; while she has so much more, including her freedom from me.

She doesn't know that I watch her sometimes. It is like a slow form of torture. I see her move about that bar, smiling and happy. Some nights I will watch her move about her home. Once, I have seen her with him. It is when she is happiest that I seem to be at my worst, knowing that I was not the one to make her feel that way.

While I'm wide awake she has no trouble sleeping. I watch her sleep sometimes aching to lie next to her as I once did. I yearn to feel the warmth of her body pressed against my cold one. To hear her heart beat a rhythm that comforted me as she slept. I wish I could sneak through her window and get closer to her as she sleeps. But there is a definite boundary that I cannot cross since she has rescinded my invitation to her home.

Night after night I wonder what I should do. I wonder how I am going to make it through another empty night; another empty week since she has left me. I lived an empty life for countless years. I certainly never expected it, but she brought meaning to my life. I resisted it at first, I certainly tried, but she brought me the light that had been missing from my existence for so long. After that first taste of her blood, I knew that she became the best part of me. She brought me back my soul.

"Bad things happen for a reason. I've finally come to terms with it and so should you."

I can remember her telling me that when I begged her for her forgiveness. I have witnessed her forgive others countless times and I hoped she would see it in her heart to forgive me. I love her. She had to know that, she had to understand. I never thought I would feel love as a vampire and she gave me that gift. And now it's gone. Perhaps being able to love was more of a curse just as she always said her telepathy was.

She's moved on while I'm still grieving. I've heard the rumors, the stories. Word travels fast in the Supe world. At first others would whisper about it when I was nearby. I could hear the whispers. I knew what they were saying. They wouldn't look me in the eye, but they would look at me. I could feel their stares. They knew she left me and had moved on.

Some nights I feel as if I can barely keep myself together, like my undead heart was breaking and I was falling to pieces. I was still in love while she had closed her heart off to me. I try to make sense of what little remains of my existence. Is this what I have been destined to become? Have I survived all of these years to only to become someone who exists on the periphery of someone else's life? Welcoming each dawn as an escape from my grief and torture; dreading dusk as it only brought darkness and emptiness with it. It can't be.

But for now each night I rise and I pray to her god. I ask for her forgiveness. I've got time. This feeling will go away. I'm falling to pieces but perhaps tomorrow night will be different.

_I leave it up to you to decide just who the vampire is who is telling this story. I know who I had in mind. I'm sure you can guess, but I left it intentionally open to your interpretation. Thanks for reading._


End file.
